you say bye like its a bad thing

finding more comfort in strangers arms
then the un occupied voices of answering machines
of those deemed speed dial worthy

anticipation
retiring in laps of dreams
un touched
declining the life i've broke
ohh ment built?

anticipation
forcing tides
on un-suspecting beaches
today ...tidal wave
only lending to drought ...tomorow

onslaught of words
lack of action
induced dreams
chilling realty

anticipated
denying needs
executing expectations
standing emotions in lines of dominoes
flicking them with whiskey laden fingers

laughing at the faces
your not making
pressing . . . buttons
trying to find
the eject one

definitive decisions defining dreams

sounds detrimental

moving

moments of discontentment
seize me
blackening, sky blue skies

clenched fists
ir-retractable goose bumps
momentarily trying to claw my way out
of my own skin

but like the shock of a lovers hand
chilled with the depth of winter
with time
i warm to reality

causal neck roll
sensuous smiles playing at my lips
acceptance of situations
acknowledging movement, taking its time

ready again
to chart past experiences
in ink
new tat, to explain or remind
of old adventures

what i tend to forget
from time to time
is that moving forwards
never alleviates
the past
and i can never seem, ...to get were im lookin fast enough
i forget to appreciate ... now
because i hate what its taken me to get here.

on to the next chapter

pushing for words
that will move me
further down my own page

craftsman tools, come with a life time warranty. not people

speaking of companionship
like its something to accomplish

not a gift

asserting expectations
of forever

on others souls

confusing the wedding
vows

with the gift registry

what is a life time warranty
on a heart

do you deserve a new one, if you broke the last one?

sticky expectations slide with ease thru these oiled fingers

speak ill of me
designate names
........ment to put me down
pretending they lift you up

while doing neither.

i don't have expectations
of tomorrow
or of you.
sorry i thot i made that clear
when i didn't ask for your number...

i relish in
being turned on
by a mans passion
not his pedigree
or position

tell me who you are
rite now
today.
i wasn't there yesterday
and probly won't be around tomorrow

i'd rather lay
with a stranger
welcoming the dawn
consumed by conversation
of tactile projects

then share dinner nightly
with a man
who can only speak of
a 401K, or whats to come
when he's saved enough
and the system designates him old enough
to retire

tell me how your passion consumes you
today.
and maybe ill try to find you tomorrow.
or maybe not

dont woo me with plans
engage me with rite now.
And let these moments satiate

and if in the next few
todays
we find our selves
in the same space
with more to share
awesome

if not
thats okay too
im happy to have met you
other wise
i wouldn't have shared any of my time with you

i do believe in love at first sight
i just don't always expect it to last thru a fortnight...

back fourty,......back of the bar

clean straight chrome
.......bleu black diffused ink
tight welds
.......frayed edges
solid chassis
......true heart
fresh flat black paint
.......deliberate human patina
searchin for a classic to sit in and dream
......lookin for an old beater to sit with and dream

glorifying

worlds un traveled
moments yet un lived
experiences un adulterated

honestly

my calfs are strained
from dreamin of a man i hardly know
my in box is full of messages
from men i dont want to remember
my heads been swimmin
from a man i don't understand
and the only advice i want
is from a man that is gone

man oh man
boys suck

if i left tomorow.

if i told you of dreams transcribed
spoke of futures hidden behind these lids
acknowledged simple dictation heralding change

would you
know
that this is goodbye

that when i am able
to tell you of plans to leave
it is because they have been made
i will not give
what has not been asked for
thou i would have given you anything.
today i learn
of my undeniable obstinacy
i accept
that i would rather walk away
then disrobe in front of a broken audience
am i harsh
on our inability
to settle for what could be ... the docs orders?
yah
but i will not hold you to expectations
that i cannot reach
while i grasp white knuckled, to my belt loops
to scared to extend even my hand, much less my soul
i will respect your white knuckles
and just know

that if either of us
believed
in ourselves,
as much as we believed in each other
we would find happiness in ...this sun rise
….holding hands.
and not be here, watching the sun set
white knuckled

not saying anything but

goodbye

would my cankles scare you, bound in stillettoes?

the scariest attribute
of honesty
is an honest response.

if i spoke truth
what would you think
or say
or not say but think

given sight of my deepest darkest
would you want a night light?

could the monsters
that don't live under my bed
eat you?

if i ever found a truth
would it ruin my writing
lend expectations of sleep
fill in the blank space that begs of color
retire this beat down key board
sever my affair w. pbr
beget the quiet emo tunes that herald the dawn
arrest the urges that force me to write thru green lights
alleviate the burdens placed on random slips of paper
negate the surplus of others words pinned to the wall
let this tiny brain find respite
quiet the un-yielding mono log
accept moments of nothingness
find the importance to true quietness

or would it
feed these things
that eat me

the irony
is my pure acceptance of neither
while wanting both

its my inability
to decipher
which would be better

what does one lose
to gain

awoke to the sound
of breathing.
mine

it was calm
and it was even

i lay there
in this unexpected
state of contentment

i hadn't yet found my coffee
or my smokes
my perpetually, overly analytical self
hadn't yet found me

and in that simple quiet moment
i wondered
if you were real

if i only wanted
for lack of having
or if i lacked not due to want of having
but for lack of faith, in my skills
of finding something worth having

i may have
as i am wont to do
fell in love with the man
i thot you were
or simply want you to be

with out thot
of myself bein
someone wanted

quiet
un adulterated
contentment
found in this moment
lacking self doubt

perfect
sunday morning
on a wednesday

good nite mr troll

i will try not to tarnish your exit
with
loss of laughter
nor
quickness of tears

but hear me tonite
as i say
goodnite

it will be there
intertwined with the others
that will find pieces of silence today
and in the days to come

moments when tears may fall uninvited
and smiles will sneak up
we will relish in the blessing
of having had you in our worlds

love you
xob

dialect of a schizophrenic

writting anaotimickly correct sentances
ergonomik sounds roll from ccontricted lips
gravity of gramatics
lost on souls whos nurouishment depends on it


writing anatomically correct sentences
ergonomic sounds roll from constricted lips
gravity of grammatics
lost on souls whos nourishment depends on it

translation time: longer then it took to write it
irritation: love hate relationship with my spell checker
realization: i would write more if the red mattered less